(Attention readers: I adapted this reflection on suffering and loss from my book 40 Days of Doubt: Devotions for the Skeptic, Day 17, “Will God Really Never Give You More Than You Can Handle?”)
My friend Philip was the guy every guy wanted to be, and the guy every girl wanted to be with. He was 6′3″, athletic, smart, and funny. He was also one of my best friends. We grew up together in the same small town; we were baptized at the same country church. We played on the same baseball team for most of our childhood.
Then, in the blink of an eye, Philip was gone. On July 31, 1995, he turned his Chevy pickup in front of an eighteen wheeler, and he was instantly killed. Our tiny, tight-knit community was in shock; within hours we all converged on Philip’s house to comfort his family. I was sixteen, and I’ll never forget standing in the garage with Philip’s dad and brother as they tightly hugged pictures of Philip and sobbed.
A local preacher tried to comfort Philip’s dad by saying, “I guess heaven’s team needed a good third baseman.” Then he asked us to hold hands as he led us in prayer. He said something like, “We don’t understand why things like this happen, Lord, but your word promises us you will never give us more than we can handle.”
I can’t imagine how those words must have sounded to Philip’s dad, who rarely stepped foot in a church again after that day. Losing a child is more than anyone can handle, and that happens every day. When Christians say things like “God will never give you more than you can handle,” it feels condescending and dismissive to those who have been utterly broken by the hand they’ve been dealt.
There are two things to remember about that phrase. First, it’s clearly taken out of context. “God will never give you more than you can handle” is not actually found in the Bible, but it is loosely based on 1 Corinthians 10:13. In this passage, the Apostle Paul is obviously addressing how God helps us avoid too much temptation and sin, not how He shields us from pain and loss:
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.
God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
Second, we need to deal with the assumption that God “gives” us everything that comes our way. Some Christians talk as if everything that happens in the world must be God’s perfect will, but not even Jesus believed that. That’s why he taught us to pray for God’s will to “be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:11). If it was a given that God’s perfect will always wins out on earth, Jesus wouldn’t have instructed us to pray for it.
The fact is, some things that happen to people are not the perfect will of God. Some things that have happened to you were not the perfect will of God. And sometimes people are “given” way more than we can handle in this life.
Like Philip’s dad, for instance, and just about any parent who manages to survive the nightmare of burying their own child. I imagine there are people in Afghanistan right now who feel as though their pain and fear is more than they can handle. The same may be true for those who’ve lost loved ones to Covid-19, or those picking up the pieces in the wake of Hurricane Ida.
The real conundrum for Christians is that, even if some tragedies that occur are not the perfect will of God, we know that God has the ability to keep them from happening. So why does God choose to allow certain tragedies to befall certain people? I wish I knew. Perhaps we’ll know all the answers in heaven.
For now, all there is to do is trust the promises of God. In the Bible, God never promised that He would be the Almighty Helicopter Parent who protects everyone from every dreadful thing. Instead, when it all falls apart, God has promised to:
• Draw near to you. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). He doesn’t wait for you to get it together. He doesn’t wait for you to get back in church. He finds you in the darkest places to help show you the way out.
• Refine your character. “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4). God will take something that wasn’t His will for your life and turn it around for good. He will use your pain to make you stronger, and as you recover, he will give you opportunities to help others who are going through something similar to what you’ve been through.
• Restore your strength. “The God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10). As you heal, God will strengthen and establish you, giving you the courage to shed the victim mentality that often keeps people in darkness.
You may not believe it now, but there will soon be a time when you will look back on your worst day and see how God was with you all along.
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
– Psalm 34:18
