For All the Single Ladies (and Men)

For people seeking explicit, biblical wisdom about dating, there’s really nothing there. Dating didn’t exist in Bible times. Asking what the Bible says about dating is like asking what the Bible says about this venti extra-hot quad-shot soy latte I’m drinking right now. I can’t point to a verse and prove that God approves of this latte; I just know it must be so.

Can you imagine if dating was in the Bible? Can you picture Eve, browsing Tinder in the Garden of Eden, swiping left on Adam, only to see his face come up again? She swipes left again, and again it’s Adam. Time after time, Adam’s face is all that she sees.

Eve didn’t have a lot of options. That’s what I’m saying. 

Or imagine King David ill-advisedly firing off a late-night text to Bathsheba:

David: “u still up bae?”
Bathsheba: “yass & still married 2…”

I’d give anything to see a text thread between Mary and Joseph after she found out she was expecting. I imagine it going something like this:

Mary: Hey, just took a test and it came back +.
Joseph: +?
Mary: Pregnant.
Joseph: But we…we haven’t…
Mary: I know.
Joseph: Does ur dad hv a gun?

OK, so Mary and Joseph were probably better off without modern dating technologies like texting, and sometimes I wonder if single people today would be, too. It’s overwhelming, and singles are drowning in a sea of ambiguity. While the Bible doesn’t speak explicitly about dating, you can still look to scripture for guidance on the subject.

Let me explain. While the Bible doesn’t say exactly how we should date, it does say we shouldn’t find our identity in marriage or other romantic relationships. Remember: the two most important men in the Bible – Jesus and Paul – were single. Hearing Christians talk about marriage would make you think it’s the ultimate goal in life, but check out what Paul said about the ol’ ball and chain:

Not exactly a ringing endorsement for matrimony. 

Here’s what I think Paul was getting at, and what he might say to us today: Christians should never date to fill some void in their lives or to subdue their loneliness. In other words, there’s no need to be needy on the dating scene. Whenever a believer gets to the point of needing a date, two things are happening:

1) Theologically speaking, romantic relationships are becoming an idol, taking the place in our hearts where only Jesus belongs.
2) Practically speaking, you’re never going to attract the kind of partner you really want because your neediness is going to ooze from your pores like sweat and the people you really should be dating will be repulsed by the scent of it, while the predatory, serial daters will be drawn to you like a pack of hyenas are drawn to a three-legged deer who’s been abandoned by her able-bodied family and friends.

(Was that a little too heavy for a Friday?)

Here’s the thing: when you’re with Jesus, you’re free to date from a position of strength and satisfaction. Jesus can fill every void you’ve ever felt, so instead of a lonely, broken person looking for a savior to date, you’re a whole, redeemed person looking for an equal partner to love and share life with. When you get to that point, two things will happen:

1) you’re worshiping Christ alone, putting romance, sex, and marriage in their proper place, and
2) you’ll become more attractive to the other whole, redeemed people out there who are looking for an equal partner to love and share life with.