What do you call something that is both highly addictive and proven to be especially dangerous to children and teens? Something that has been shown to contribute to cratering self-image, poor performance in the classroom, and skyrocketing rates of suicide? Something that, when consumed, sends a dopamine rush to flood the human body and mind? Something whose loyal patrons are called “users”?
It’s a drug, right? A dangerous substance to be avoided at all costs. Something every parent should protect their children from, obviously.
No. We call it TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter/X, and to a lesser extent, Facebook.
Facebook and Twitter became available to the public in 2006, and Instagram launched in 2010. Snapchat came on the scene in 2012, while TikTok surfaced in late 2016. Between 2007 and 2017, the suicide rate for people aged 10 to 24 increased by 56%. According to Facebook’s own data, one-third of teenage girls hate their own bodies because of what they’re seeing on Instagram (which is Facebook-owned). And what did Facebook do when they realized their platform was leading girls to hate themselves and in some cases even kill themselves? They tried to bury the story.
Perhaps the most sinister aspect of social media is how manipulative it is designed to be. The Silicon Valley business model is built around keeping your eyes on their apps for as many hours a day as possible. To that end, many of the largest social media companies have hired specialists called Attention Engineers, a profession made infamous by Las Vegas casinos that sought to make their gambling floors as addictive as possible. Attention Engineers were the consultants who advised casinos to use a certain type of light bulb that mimics the daylight, so gamblers lose track of time. It was also their idea to pump extra oxygen into the gaming floor to make card sharks feel more alive and awake than they actually are.
It’s all a ruse. A willful deception to enslave our minds. It’s The Matrix.
And the same kind of Attention Engineers helped the programmers at Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok develop tools that keep us scrolling as long as possible. Do they care how you feel about yourself while scrolling? No. Do they care about all the other stuff you should be doing instead of scrolling? Not at all. They don’t care about our customer experience because we are not the customer.
And this is the most critical point to understand about our modern reality. In the online world we inhabit, you are not a customer, a stakeholder, a “community member” or even a “content creator.”
You and I are the products being sold.
Our time, attention, and information are the commodities in play. We all thought Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat were free, but they’re actually very expensive. You’re just not the paying customer. The real clients are the advertisers and research firms that pay exorbitant amounts of money to be on your favorite social media platform. Why? Because they want you to see their creative little ads and sponsored posts?
If only it were that simple. These days, when you look at an ad, it is looking back at you, monitoring your every move, slowly learning how to better manipulate your behaviors in the future.
With all of this in mind, how should Christians approach the online world? Should we avoid it altogether? And how should Christian parents police their kids’ online activity and prepare their children for life in the 21st Century?
You won’t find the phrase “social media” in the Bible, but if you look for it, you’ll find plenty of wisdom and warnings that apply to how we use social media today. Here are a few things for all Christians – but especially Christian parents – to keep in mind.
1. Social Media is like a screwdriver
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29
What is a screwdriver’s purpose? To build something, or to repair something that’s broken. A screwdriver is meant for constructive use. But a screwdriver can be used for other purposes as well. Did you know that dozens of people every year are stabbed to death with screwdrivers? That doesn’t mean screwdrivers are necessarily evil; it just means they can be misused and abused.
At its best, social media is just a tool, and every time you log on to Instagram or YouTube and start scrolling, you can use that tool to build and to repair, or to destroy and to kill.
Here are three practical suggestions for using social media as a tool instead of a weapon. First, KNOW YOUR MISSION. To know how to use a tool, you have to know what you’re building, that’s where your mission comes in. Without a clear mission, you’ll be more susceptible to impulsivity and emotion – and that’s how people end up getting stabbed with screwdrivers. For followers of Jesus, our mission is to inspire others to know and follow him.
Second, insofar as you use social media, use it to ENHANCE YOUR MISSION. Our mission at The Story is to inspire non-religious people to follow Jesus, so when our team is considering what to post on social media, that mission is always there to guide them. My personal mission is to make disciples of Jesus Christ, one at a time, starting with my kids, so the way I use social media should reflect that – nothing more, and nothing less.
Third (and this is where most of us lose the plot), IF IT’S NOT MISSION-CRITICAL, DON’T SAY IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. Spend enough time on Twitter or TikTok, and you’re going to come across people who are doing and saying some truly asinine, hateful, sinful things. But instead of reacting emotionally and stabbing someone with a screwdriver, let your life’s mission filter out the stuff you’d like to say that would only tear down instead of building up.
“Whatever you do, do all for the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31
2. Social Media is like alcohol
“Be very careful, then, how you live – not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, because the days are evil.” – Ephesians 5:15-16
One thing we know for sure about destructive alcoholism and other powerful addictions is that, more often than not, the seeds for that addiction are planted in childhood. I discovered pornography at age 11, and over time I developed patterns of behavior and escapism that became toxic and destructive throughout my early adulthood.
Most destructive alcoholics discovered alcohol in their childhood. Years before they could develop the skill set to avoid alcohol abuse, they learned how the numbing effects of alcohol seem to help them cope with stress and pain.
Studies have shown that a person’s dopamine levels spike 400% when their Instagram posts get likes and comments. That’s about the same level of dopamine your body releases when you do cocaine or make love. And we just expect everybody – including our kids – to handle that kind of hit without any real consequences?
As a society, we decided long ago to put age restrictions on things like alcohol, tobacco, and sex, because we understood that it’s imperative to protect young people from the dangers of these things that could ruin them. When it comes to online activity like video games and social media, however, most adults seem OK with kids having smartphones with mostly or partially unfettered access to the digital world.
I’ve talked to many parents who don’t even know the passcode to unlock their kids’ phones or the passwords to their social media accounts. Some parents may argue that it’s important to respect a child’s privacy and/or to build their confidence by showing them that we trust them.
But that’s crazy talk. Given everything we know about the digital world and social media, far too much is at stake here to have such a passive stance – especially when kids and teens are involved. Between 2009 and 2021, the percentage of teens who report having “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness” rose from 26% to 44%. We can’t blame that on the weather, the economy, or Trump. Social media is clearly the main culprit.
So, what’s the answer? Given how far down this road we’ve already gone, how can we begin treating social media more like we treat a known danger like alcohol? Here are three simple tips:
- Use social media and video games in moderation. Fast from it every so often. And observe a weekly Sabbath. If you’re a parent whose teen is on social media, insist that they follow your lead.
- If a weekly sabbath or regular fast from social media is too much for you because you can’t live without it, call that problem what it is. You’re an addict. And just like we would tell an alcoholic to find a way to stop drinking, I would urge you to delete your accounts. Just like with alcohol, nicotine, and most other addictive substances, some people are able to control their appetite for social media, while others are especially susceptible to it. If that’s you, the only good outcome is giving it up. It’ll be hard at first, but the truth is, the time and energy you’ll suddenly free up will feel so good that you won’t even miss scrolling on the apps.
- This one is strictly for the parents. NO SOCIAL MEDIA FOR KIDS 15 and UNDER, and even after they turn 16, kids should only be allowed to use social media sparingly and under strict parental supervision. I know there are some parents who might say, “But I want my kid to know the ways of the world before they go off to college. It’s always the sheltered kids who go buck-wild in college. That’s why I let my teen have a glass of wine from time to time.” But let’s run with that analogy. You might let them drink a glass of white wine at home, at dinner, with you. But you wouldn’t give them the keys to the liquor cabinet and leave for the weekend, right? That’s basically what we’re doing when we give a child a smartphone and unfettered access to the curvy dancing girls and the pansexual witches on TikTok. We owe it to our kids to be more vigilant.
3. Social Media is like a mirror
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is… not on earthly things.” Colossians 3:1-2
Essentially, what we look for on social media is a reflection of who we are or what we’re lacking. If you find yourself constantly arguing with people of the other political party on Facebook, you’ve probably got anger issues that only Jesus can heal. If you find yourself spending too much time looking at beautiful women or hot guys posing seductively on Instagram, you’ve got lust issues that only Jesus can handle. More generally, the time and attention we spend on social media is a good indicator of how lonely and disconnected we feel inside. Jesus can show us a better way to live.
So here are three practical suggestions to break the cycle that most of us are in.
First, assess what your social media tendencies say about you. Audit your tendencies and typical interactions online. And be honest about what you’re looking for and what that says about the state of your soul.
Second, take it to God in repentance. He is always quick to forgive and to show compassion to us when we lay our sins before Him.
And third, with every moment you spend on social media, with every post, comment, search query, and swipe, try to set your mind on things above, seek to honor Christ and to reflect him to others.
That’s it for this week. If you’d like to hear more on this topic, I encourage you to watch my interview with Rania Mankarious (CEO of Houston Crime Stoppers and online safety expert). As always, thanks for reading Grace & Truth.
