I remember growing up with a very clear picture of the ideal man. On lazy Saturday mornings, my dad would break out a box set of VHS tapes, pop one in the VCR, and we would eat cereal and watch old episodes of the Andy Griffith Show.
The lead character on the show, Sheriff Andy Taylor, was thoughtful and introspective. Scenes would often open with Andy just sitting quietly at his desk, on his front porch, or on a sidewalk bench, just thinking, or quietly observing his surroundings. A widowed single father, Andy was a provider for his family, a leader in his community, and a churchgoing, God-fearing man. He was patriotic and civic-minded. He was tough, but tender.
Sheriff Andy was celebrated in the media as “The Sheriff without a Gun.” He proudly wore a badge on his chest, but he never had a weapon on his hip.
That’s not meant to be a comment on gun control; those were different times. For all we know, Andy might’ve had a concealed-carry under his standard-issue sheriff shirt. This is about the character of a man in authority who never needed anyone to know he had a weapon. Andy Taylor was man enough to stand on his own two feet without any need to prove his masculinity by intimidating those around him.
In those days, I wanted to become a man like Sheriff Andy: dutiful and responsible – a man you can depend on.
As I grew into adolescence, I got bored with my dad’s old shows and adopted new models of masculinity ranging from professional athletes to moviestars to cartoon characters (see: The Simpsons, South Park). The “men” I looked up to were essentially the opposite of Sheriff Taylor: agnostic, undignified, and lacking in self-control.
In adolescence, I began to internalize the idea that to be a man is to be ridiculous.
I’m not sure when it started, but it’s clear that we are in the midst of a masculinity crisis in America. No one knows what it means to be a good man. In some contexts you can’t even talk about what good masculinity is because masculinity itself is widely believed to be a vice, not a virtue.
This breaks my heart because just about every man I know who is under 35 has no idea where the target is. From his first day in kindergarten, he was told that good kids sit still in class and do creative work in an orderly way – skills that typically favor female students. If he made it through school and went to college (a big “if” considering how the odds are stacked against him), he probably heard for four years all about how his most natural, masculine traits – assertiveness, ambition, competitiveness – are toxic. Last week, the American Psychology Association released new guidelines for working with men and boys in which they conclude that traditional masculinity — marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance, and aggression — is a harmful mental illness in need of a cure.
A few years ago, Gillette, the same company that for decades has profited wildly from men and that paid $120,000,000 to have its name on a football stadium where grown men professionally crack each other’s skulls every Sunday afternoon, released this ad calling men out for “toxic masculinity.” In the ad, boys and men are portrayed as cyberbullies, mansplaining misogynists, violent jerks, and sexual perverts. The video has gone viral. Some say it’s exactly the sort of message that men need to hear.
I disagree. Men do not need to hear one more word about how our masculinity is toxic. We need to hear how it is needed, wanted, valued, cherished, appreciated, and accepted. We need to be reminded that our masculinity is a gift from God.
A man’s target shouldn’t be to shed his masculine traits and adopt more feminine ones. A man’s target should be to express his masculinity the same way Jesus did.
Defending the defenseless.
John 8:1-11
Empowering the powerless.
Matthew 5:38-42
Being fathers to the fatherless.
Mark 5:21-34
Most men come hard-wired to sacrifice ourselves and to gladly fill the gaps others prefer to leave behind. We should wear our God-given instinct to risk our lives for the sake of women and children, or for the sake of the greater Good, as a badge of honor.
Sometimes we all need to be reminded of the gifts that men bring to the world. For example, it was almost all men (by a margin of 416,800 American men to 543 women) who laid down their lives fighting Hitler’s villainy in World War II.
96% of American firefighters are men.
88% of our police officers are men.
By a wide margin, men do the most dangerous jobs – like logging timber, roofing, and sanitation – that keep our society running. In 2015, men accounted for 93% of workplace deaths. 4,500 men died on the job that year, while only 344 women died while working.
Can you imagine the public outcry if those numbers were reversed?
Given these facts, can you imagine how it feels for all men to be categorized as “toxic”?
Ironically, the very traits that come so naturally to most men – our God-given stoicism and poise under pressure, our ability to compartmentalize, and our instinct to protect and to serve at all costs – are what will keep us going in spite of all the unjust, spiteful anti-male criticism that has become so commonplace these days.
Masculinity is not toxic.
Humanity is.
And for all of us – male and female – Jesus is the only cure.
