I once created an online survey prompting my Facebook followers to choose which answer most accurately describes their experience with prayer:
My time in prayer usually feels like:
• Kate Winslet at the beginning of Titanic (“I’m flying!”)
• Waiting in line at the DMV
• Soaking in a warm bubble bath
• Giving birth without an epidural
• Trying to have a conversation with a friend while my phone keeps blowing up
Seventy-three percent of my friends answered “E: My time in prayer is like trying to have a conversation with a friend while my phone keeps blowing up.” In other words, most of my friends don’t really know what prayer feels like because they’re too distracted. As someone who has lived with ADD for most of my adult life, I know this struggle is real. But this is a fight worth fighting, because consistent, meaningful prayer requires both our PRESENCE and ATTENTION.
Prayer is where God’s presence and attention
meet your presence and attention.
Distraction, on the other hand, is like kryptonite to prayer. Have you ever been in a meeting with someone, or out to dinner, or on a date with someone who wasn’t really there? What did that feel like? It probably felt like you were talking but they weren’t hearing you, right? The problem with distractions when we’re trying to pray is not only that they keep us from being present with God; distractions can actually keep you from hearing from God.
This email I received from a woman in her 30s really names the struggle many of us are having with prayer.
I have always struggled with prayer… it’s, for me, the most difficult part of my faith. I do it because I know I should and because I believe there’s power there, but I always feel a little ridiculous or even like my words are bouncing off the ‘clouds.’ …Prayer is just so BORING! I know that’s a terrible thing to say, but you close your eyes, you try to shut out the other ideas in your mind and it just seems lonely and dull. I guess I wish I could feel God on the ‘other line.’
Who among us can’t relate to her feelings about prayer? It’s boring. I don’t feel anything. It’s too easy to get distracted.
Distraction isn’t just a struggle for Christians; look around at any bookstore or at the articles posted on LinkedIn or Harvard Business Review. Everybody is talking about distraction because it would seem that no one knows how to focus anymore. Focus is about directing your attention by avoiding distractions, and I believe it’s when you are focused in prayer to the point of being present with God that prayer begins to come to life and you begin to hear His voice and/or perceive His Spirit.
If you’re someone who struggles to focus, especially when you’re praying, there is hope! You can learn to pay attention to God. But first you have to understand that this particular battle happens in your mind. This way of praying isn’t about the way you feel in your heart; it’s about discipline and self-control. We’ve all allowed ourselves to believe that attention is an infinite resource, but your attention, like your money and time, is a limited resource. That’s why we talk about it in economic language – what do you do with your attention? You pay it. And like money and time, you only have so much attention to spend. And the ability to focus comes when we train our brains to pay attention to what matters most.
A couple of years ago I saw a TED Talk about distraction that was given by neuroscientist Dr. Jean Phillipe Lachaux, and he really helped me understand how we can re-train our brains to focus. Neuroscientists have been studying how the brain decides whether new information and stimuli are relevant or not. We pay attention to the things we deem to be relevant to our lives, but many of us struggle to filter out irrelevant stimuli. That’s because we haven’t trained our brains to manage competing interests.
Dr. Lachaux said there are three systems in the brain that determine our ability to focus. The first he called the Habit System, and this system holds the memories of what we do with familiar objects. In other words, what do you do with a cold bottle of Topo Chico? You drink it. What do you do with a puppy? You pet it. I’ve always had this involuntary response to seeing a basketball. I’m unable to see a basketball without picking it up and bouncing it. If somebody around me has a basketball in his hands, all I can think about is stealing it from him. I want the ball. My brain’s habit system is hard at work.
The second system is called the Pleasure System, and this is the part of your brain that says, “Go for it! You deserve it! You only live once! If it feels good, do it!” This system of your brain is very reactive to novelty – both new experiences and new information. As you can probably guess, our pleasure systems have never been as maxed out as they are these days, as the internet and mobile technology have put unlimited new experiences and volumes of new information at our fingertips every waking moment of our lives.
Dr. Lachaux said that if you’re accustomed to a high-novelty environment with steady streams of stimuli, when you’re forced into a more stable environment, like a classroom, or an office, or a never-ending sermon you’ll struggle to stay focused because your pleasure system will revert to “novelty-seeking behavior,” causing you to shift your attention from one thing to another because it’s trying to replace the sensation caused by the stimuli in your everyday life, which explains why I squirm in Committee meetings.
But, there is hope for our brains – the third system, called the Executive System, stabilizes our attention by governing the proposals put forth by the other two systems. The Executive System is the reason why you don’t drink every bottle of Topo Chico that you see; your Habit System sees that bottle and tells you to drink because that’s what you do when there’s a Topo Chico in front of you. Your Pleasure System sees that bottle and tells you to drink because it would feel so good to drink an ice cold Topo Chico on a hot summer day. But your Executive System can override those proposals because some bottles belong to other people. Some bottles are empty. Some bottles are plastic, and Topo Chico in a plastic bottle just isn’t the same. So you don’t pick up that bottle.
But here’s the problem: several studies have shown the Executive System, which determines how well you focus, isn’t designed for the constant streams of stimuli that we’re feeding it today. The pace of our lives, the abundance of screen-time, and the lack of down-time all contribute to the weakening of the neurons in your brain’s Executive System. And the moments when the Executive System is vulnerable is when the distractions being proposed by the other Systems take over.
Then Dr. Lachaux ended his talk by saying “The brain is at war with itself,” and I nearly jumped out of my chair because that’s exactly what I’ve been feeling about prayer. It also reminded me of Romans 7 where Paul wrote,
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.
So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.
What a wretched man I am!”
Romans 7:15,19,21,24
Sadly, this is a paraphrase of how too many of my prayer times have ended! I can’t even pray right…What a wretched man I am!
I believe God still speaks when we pray, but it’s almost impossible to hear Him when you’re distracted. That’s why learning to give God your undivided attention will change your life. The good news is that, no matter how prone you’ve been to wander into distraction, there is hope for you.
Ask God to change your mind. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.”
Do not be afraid of silence, boredom, or the unknown. 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”
Prioritize your time with God by shutting out distractions. Jesus said, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)
By faith, be present and attentive with God. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.”
Finally, when you feel lost in your prayer time, or when you feel like it’s not making a difference, ask God to give you the gift of greater faith. Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you.” (Matthew 7:7) Jesus is faithful and will deliver on His promises, so ask away, and believe!
