“Jesus at the Home of Mary and Martha” by Minerva Teichert, 1935
There are a few things we know about Mary of Bethany. She had a sister, Martha and a brother, Lazarus. Jesus and Lazarus were very close friends. The three siblings lived together in Bethany, which was a gated, suburban community about a mile east of Jerusalem.
The Bethany sisters – and Mary in particular – played a key role in Jesus’ life. The gospels tell us more about Mary of Bethany than they tell us about 9 of the 12 disciples. Three stories in particular introduce us to these amazing women of faith, and each story offers unique insights about who they were, what they had to give up in order to follow Jesus, and what difference Jesus made in their lives.
The first story featuring the sisters of Bethany is also the most famous one. In Luke 10, while passing through Bethany on their way to Jerusalem, Jesus and his disciples decided to pay Martha and Mary a visit. The cultural norms of their day required women to provide water, food, and other basic comforts to any and all guests in their home, so we can be sure that Martha and Mary faced tremendous pressure to be appropriately hospitable to the Messiah and his entourage.
But Mary was never one to comply with convention. Instead of being a good girl who waited on the men, Mary sat down and listened to Jesus, as if she was one of his male disciples. Martha, of course, was livid:
She came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed, or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” – Luke 10:40-42
The second gospel account of the Bethany sisters has something in common with the first: their house was full of people again. This time, however, it was a more somber affair. Their brother Lazarus, who was also a close friend of Jesus, was dead, and their home was full of mourning family and friends.
Four days later, Jesus arrived in Bethany to pay his respects. Look closely at how Mary and Martha communicated with Jesus:
On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Now Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. “Lord,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.” – John 11:17-22
Another social norm in first century Judea was that women who were in mourning were not to leave the house for weeks after their loved one passed. That’s why it’s so interesting that Martha left her house full of guests behind to go be with Jesus, especially given her behavior in the first story. Martha was worried about everything but Jesus in the first story, but this time, despite the social conventions that would have her stay indoors, and despite all her guests who needed water and food, the minute Martha heard Jesus was outside, she ran to meet him.
And I know this may seem like a minor detail, but the fact that “Mary stayed at home” to fulfill a woman’s duties so her sister could run to Jesus is so sweet. She could have taken off, too. She could have raced her sister to see who got to Jesus first. But Mary chose to hang back this time, so Martha could have a moment with the Lord.
So, Jesus and Martha had their moment, and then Jesus and Mary had their moment. Jesus was absolutely devastated by their devastation:
When Jesus saw Mary weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. – John 11:35-37
You can see how emotive, vulnerable, and affectionate Mary’s love for Jesus was, and it’s clear that Jesus’ love for Mary was equally emotive, vulnerable, and affectionate. It reads like a classic case of the “Don’t cry, because if you cry, I’ll cry” dilemma to which every man who’s ever cared about a woman can relate. Mere seconds after seeing his friend Mary weep, Jesus wept.
What most people don’t understand is that Jesus feels the same way about every single one of us. When you cry, he cries. (See Psalm 34:18, Luke 19:41, Romans 8:26, 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, Hebrews 4:15)
In the third Bethany story, Mary took center stage.
Six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus lived, whom Jesus had raised from the dead. Here a dinner was given in Jesus’ honor. Martha served, while Lazarus was among those reclining at the table with him. Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, who was later to betray him, objected,“Why wasn’t this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year’s wages.”
“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “It was intended that she should save this perfume for the day of my burial.” – John 12:1-8
What was a woman like Mary doing with a pint of expensive perfume? Once in a while, I hear preachers suggesting that Mary may have needed that much perfume because she was a prostitute. To be clear, there is no evidence whatsoever that Mary worked in the so-called world’s oldest profession, and there is plenty of evidence pointing away from that possibility.
Spiked nard was a top-shelf fragrance back then; a whole pint of it was worth a year’s wages! An asset so valuable in the hands of a young, first-century Jewish woman was almost certainly meant to be her dowry. In an ideal scenario, Mary’s father would use this gift to entice a man to marry her. Mary’s dad, however, was never mentioned in the Bible, so we can safely assume that he was no longer in the picture.
So what message was Mary – who was still single and quite possibly an orphan – sending by sacrificing her dowry at the feet of Jesus? She was potentially giving up her future as a wife because there was no man in the world she could ever measure up to Jesus. Mary didn’t care what people thought about her. She didn’t even care what the other followers of Jesus said about her! She only cared what Jesus thought and said about her. She wanted nothing more than to love Jesus, and to be loved by him, and every Christian should look to Mary of Bethany, and her sister Martha, as shining examples of deep discipleship and devotion to Christ.
